


At the End of the Day

by TheCaptainOfThisFleet



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Little Hurt A Lot Of Comfort, Park Seonghwa-centric, Seonghwa is soft for his members, There's some crying too, Yunho and Seonghwa say ass once each, mentions of depression, mentions of pain, the tags make it sound worse than it is, this is literally just
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22822432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCaptainOfThisFleet/pseuds/TheCaptainOfThisFleet
Summary: Seonghwa's mother had once told him that he should've been a girl; that he would've made a wonderful mother. He didn't think he needed to be anyone else than who he was to care for other people. He did a pretty good job in his opinion.–This is literally just Seonghwa taking care of his members
Comments: 6
Kudos: 244





	At the End of the Day

As much as Seonghwa loved his members, he also enjoyed the quiet he had as the one that got up first. Their dorm was never quite peaceful, always loud and busy, unless it was just Seonghwa in the early morning hours making breakfast or San when he felt melancholic.

Seonghwa was making scrambled eggs when he heard someone padding through the hallway, shuffling into the kitchen.

“ _Hyung_ , it hurts,” Mingi told him in a miserable small voice, and when Seonghwa turned around, he could see the tears swimming in Mingi's eyes.

Seonghwa pushed the pan off the heat and turned off the stove before he opened his arms to Mingi. Mingi almost crumbled into Seonghwa's chest and it didn't take long for the hot tears flowing over. It always hurt him see his members in so much pain, and it saddened him how much Mingi had to endure.

He kissed the side of Mingi's head and petted his hair until the worst was over, before he guided Mingi into his shared bedroom with Jongho. Jongho slept like a stone, so Seonghwa didn't need to worry about waking up their _maknae_.

“Where does it hurt the most?” he asked as he guided Mingi to lie on his stomach. There were heating pads in Mingi's night stand that he pulled out, exactly for this occasion.

“Everywhere.”

When they had first found out about Mingi's back problems, Seonghwa had made the physician tell him everything he could do to make it more bearable for Mingi. He triggered the first heating pad, covered it with a piece of fabric and lightly pressed it into the space in between Mingi's shoulder blades.

Mingi underneath him tensed and whimpered. It always got worse before it got better.

“I'm sorry you're hurting so much,” Seonghwa whispered as they waited for the heating liquid to solidify.

With every heating pad Seonghwa placed on Mingi's back, Mingi relaxed further. Heat helped with the pain almost every time, and Seonghwa would make Mingi take a painkiller after breakfast to keep him mostly pain-free for the day. He didn't know what exactly was on Mingi's schedule today, but he'd check with their manager to make sure it wasn't too hard on Mingi's back.

Mingi's breathing slowed.

“It's okay, Mingi,” Seonghwa assured as he saw Mingi forcefully blink to keep himself awake. “ _Hyung_ 'll be here when you wake up.”

*

Taking care of others came naturally to Seonghwa. He had always been fiercely loyal for his friends and he knew he filled out the position of the mom-friend. It didn't bother him much when ATINY called him the mother of ATEEZ. They were right in a way, after all. Even if his members weren't his kids, they were his _dongsaeng_. They were his, and whoever thought they could mess with them had a big storm coming.

And even when all of them often told ATINY how much they loved their fans, Seonghwa was ready to fight each and every one of them when he saw Yeosang cry over malicious comments.

Usually, Yeosang confided in Wooyoung, but Wooyoung had spent all day in the dance studio, so Seonghwa filled in. Yeosang always pretended to dislike the way Seonghwa doted on him, but he was in such a fragile state of mind that he immediately latched onto Seonghwa when the older sat down next to him.

“They are wrong,” Seonghwa murmured into Yeosang's hair as he stroke the other's back. “They're so wrong, Yeosang-ie.”

Yeosang's voice was steady when he spoke.

“They're not, though. _Hyung_ , I'm nothing more than a space filler between Young-ah and San-ie.”

His words broke Seonghwa's heart, and Seonghwa pushed Yeosang away so he could look the younger in the eyes, cradling his face.

“You are not. Yeosang-ie, look at me. You are not just here to fill space. You're so incredibly talented, Sang-ie. You have are such an amazing dancer, and you have a beautiful voice, I don't understand how you haven't been put on the vocal line yet. I can't wait for the moment where you're finally allowed to shine to your brightest.”

Tears pricked in Seonghwa's eyes as he watched Yeosang fiddle uncomfortably under Seonghwa's attention. He pressed a kiss to Yeosang's temple, where he knew Yeosang's birthmark was hidden beneath a layer of makeup, even when he was at home with no schedule to attend to, before hugging him close again.

“You're incredible, Yeosang-ie. You deserve so much. You deserve it all.”

*

Seonghwa would follow Hongjoong to the end of the world, and if Hongjoong asked him to, would probably also jump over the edge.

That being said, he also knew Hongjoong wasn't perfect and had his fault. Namely, being overly perfectionist and demanding perfection not only from himself, but from his members too. Which wasn't a bad thing in itself, but as the leader, Hongjoong was under a lot of stress, and sometimes he took it out on his members.

On that day, Jongho had been the unlucky one. Hongjoong had wanted to record Jongho's bridge, most likely over and over again, and not even Jongho's incredible voice could hold out for hours and hours on end.

Seonghwa couldn't remember what Hongjoong had said exactly, but he remembered the defeated look Jongho had.

“Hongjoong-ah, I think you need to take a walk,” Seonghwa said as he watched Jongho trudge into Mingi's and his shared room with hanging shoulders. It was true that Hongjoong was their leader, and it was true that Seonghwa, and probably every single member, would follow Hongjoong to the end of the world and beyond, but this was their home. They didn't have to be ATEEZ in these four walls. This was a safe space for all of them, and Seonghwa wouldn't let anyone make his brothers feel inadequate. Not even Hongjoong. Especially not Hongjoong.

He could see San and Wooyoung watch over the edge of the couch as Hongjoong stared at Seonghwa like he didn't have any right to say what he had said. Seonghwa stared back, knowing he had every right to say it.

Hongjoong huffed and threw the door shut behind him. An uncomfortable silence stretched out for a moment where Seonghwa just stared at the closed door in front of him, until Mingi stood up from his place on the floor. His arm slid across Seonghwa's shoulders in a half-pat-half-hug, before the taller put on his shoes.

“I'll make sure he gets home safely. You make sure Jongho's okay.”

Jongho laid in his bed facing the wall when Seonghwa entered his room, buried under what looked like every single blanket available. Seonghwa didn't switch the lights on, just shuffled his way to Jongho's bed to sit down. Unlike the other members, Jongho didn't particularly like to be touched, so Seonghwa didn't. He just made sure Jongho was aware that he was there and then settled next to the _maknae_ 's bed.

“I'm sure you were great,” he said after a minute of silence. The blanket mountain didn't move.

“Obviously not good enough,” the voice was muffled from inside the blanket burrito. Seonghwa felt a needle pierce his heart. He always tried to lift his members up, to make them aware of how much they deserved all the good in the world, but he often worried about Jongho the most. It couldn't be easy, being the maknae.

“Nothing is ever good enough for Hongjoong-ah,” Seonghwa stated. “Perfection is not humanly achievable. That's just how it is. But that doesn't give him the right to tell you that you didn't try your best. I know you did, and I know that your best is incredible.”

“What if my best isn't good enough?” the Jongho-rrito asked.

“Your best is always good enough. It may not be the same as someone else's best, or even your own best from yesterday, but it's enough.”

They sat in silence for a while, Seonghwa contemplating how to approach Hongjoong later tonight and Jongho probably mulling over Seonghwa's words.

“I'm going to make some tea for your voice. It may not be the best tea ever, but because I'm going to do my best, it's going to be pretty good anyway.”

*

Sometimes, Seonghwa startled up in the middle of the night and he knew something was wrong with one of the members. Yunho called it his spidey-senses kicking in, but Seonghwa didn't know what it really was. Maybe it was a noise that woke him up, because his and Wooyoung's bed were only separated by a thin wall, and Mingi always struggled to keep quiet when in pain. But none of the other members seemed to pick up on those noises, and San never made one when he walked around the dorm like a ghost at three am, so maybe he was just imagining it.

Hongjoong slept on the other side of their shared room, bathed in the street lights from outside. Hongjoong couldn't sleep with the curtains drawn, so Seonghwa just slept turned towards the wall and with a sleeping mask.

That night, it was Wooyoung that had woken Seonghwa, albeit involuntarily. The nightmares had grown rare since they debuted, but every once in a while, Wooyoung woke up drenched in sweat and with eyes wide in panic.

Almost two years of wandering the dorms at night to watch over his members in sickness or pain had made Seonghwa's steps quiet. Yeosang didn't wake up when Seonghwa passed his bed and almost tripped over one of the drones lying around, and neither did Wooyoung. Or maybe Wooyoung was already half awake. The younger had told him once that he used to get sleep paralysis quite often as a child, but that he had gotten “over it” sometime during high school. Seonghwa never was sure if Wooyoung told the truth or used a white lie as to not worry everyone.

Wooyoung's eyes were wide open and his breathing erratic.

“Young-ah,” Seonghwa whispered, climbing on the bed next to Wooyoung. While he had read up on sleep paralysis after Wooyoung had told him, he had never actually witnessed it. He didn't know what to do exactly.

“Wooyoung-ah,” he tried again, leaning over to enter Wooyoung's field of vision. “You're not alone. _Hyung_ 's here. You're not alone.”

He stretched his hand out to push a sweaty lock of hair off Wooyoung's forehead. That seemed to break the paralysis, as Wooyoung gasped out, coughed and hurled himself forward into Seonghwa's chest. Truth be told, Seonghwa almost fell off the bed with the force of it, but he wrapped his arms just as tightly around Wooyoung as the other way around.

“You're safe. You're not alone. I'm here with you and you are safe,” Seonghwa assured, petting Wooyoung's hair.

“He left me,” Wooyoung wheezed wetly against Seonghwa's throat. Seonghwa didn't ask. “He left me again and I was all alone.”

“I won't leave you.”

Wooyoung hiccuped and buried himself deeper in Seonghwa's chest to the point where it almost hurt.

“You're here with us now. You're safe. We won't leave you,” he pressed his lips to Wooyoung's scalp. “You're stuck with me.”

Wooyoung let out a wet laugh.

“So you better get comfortable now, because I'm not going anywhere.”

*

Seonghwa wasn't someone to try and assume anything about someone else's mental state, but he did suspect that San sometimes suffered from depressive episodes. It was never to the degree of what Seonghwa had witnessed happening to a school friend of his, who sometimes couldn't get out of bed at all, but he did recognize some of the behaviour. The episodes were rare and far in between, but Seonghwa still worried. He was a bit of a worry wart, nobody was surprised by that.

Sometimes, San got up in the middle of the night even during their busiest schedule. He wandered around the dorm like he was a wandering ghost (marking the brief period where Seonghwa looked up sleep walking), but most often, he just sat in the living room and looked lost for prolonged amounts of time.

It scared Seonghwa more than Wooyoung's nightmares did, because at least he knew how to help Wooyoung into a safer head space. He didn't know what to do to help San. Or if he could help at all. He didn't even know if San wanted him to leave him alone or to distract him with hugs. So he just sat next to him, close enough for San to just feel that he's there with him, but not actually touching.

They sat like this for almost fifteen minutes before San leaned his head against Seonghwa's shoulder.

“You good there, San-ie?” Seonghwa asked like the awkward man he was. San hummed. “Wanna tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours?” San hummed again, but didn't actually tell Seonghwa.

That was fine too, Seonghwa guessed. Sometimes, one lacked the words to correctly articulate one's thoughts, and some people preferred to say nothing at all instead of saying it wrong.

“I miss my grandparents,” San finally said after another twenty-ish minutes. The clock on the wall read four sixteen. Seonghwa could basically hear the words fighting their way up San's throat, trying to get past a lump.

“I know I saw them only a few weeks ago, but sometimes I worry. They're very old already, and we're going to leave for tour soon, and I'm scared that by the time we come home, they won't be here anymore.”

San breath came a bit easier then, after having voiced his worries. Seonghwa was sad for San, but also glad that San trusted him enough to tell him, even if his words didn't quite bring across what San was worrying about. Seonghwa didn't kid himself with the thought that he actually understood everything San was trying to say, because he had never been close to either of his grandparents. But he offered his support either way.

“If you want, I can make Joong-ah talk to our manager tomorrow. So you can visit them again before we leave.”

The lump was back, keeping whatever words San wanted to say behind closed doors. Maybe Seonghwa had superhearing and that was why he picked up on those queues. Tomorrow-San would have a field day with that thought.

Seonghwa didn't expect an answer until he was given one at four thirty-three.

“I would like that.”

*

Yunho was an overly affectionate person. That was just a fact the other members had to live with. He rarely came to find Seonghwa when something was wrong though, not like the younger members did. But Seonghwa knew when something was wrong with his _dongsaeng_. While Yunho always loved to cuddle whoever was willing, it was unusual for him to stick himself to Seonghwa's back from the moment Yunho had entered the kitchen in the morning. He actually made Seonghwa sit in between his legs at breakfast because he refused to let go. What threw Seonghwa off was how cheery Yunho was otherwise. Yunho had happily chatted with Seonghwa while Seonghwa had made breakfast, and was currently goading Wooyoung to participate in some dumb dare before they even left the house.

“Does something worry you, Yunho-yah?” Seonghwa asked after unsuccessfully trying to get out of Yunho's grasp long enough to get dressed properly.

“Do I need to have worries to hug my favourite hyung?” Yunho asked innocently, blowing air against Seonghwa's neck teasingly.

“Don't let Joong-ah hear that, he's going to be devastated. After all, you're his giant baby,” Seonghwa teased, coming to terms that, apparently, he was going to the company in a washed out shirt with holes at the hem, an oversized hoodie that was most likely actually Yunho's and sweatpants.

“He doesn't let me steal his body heat, so he's not my favourite anymore,” Yunho proclaimed before Seonghwa had the chance to tell him that he could always come to Seonghwa, whether he had worries or not.

That would explain some of the clinginess. Seonghwa ran naturally hot, especially after cooking, and Yunho always was cold when he hadn't slept well. Seonghwa was about to ask, when Yunho cut him off again.

“It's nothing, San-ah had some weird ass dream about meeting G-Dragon, but apparently he kept calling him Jinyoung-sunbaenim and they went skiing together. He was really distraught about it.”

Seonghwa hid a snicker behind a cough.

“Will you let me get dressed if I give you my hoodie to keep you warm?”

Yunho made a considering noise before he nodded against Seonghwa's shoulder.

“If you throw in your shirt, we have a deal.”

“Why would you even want that?” Seonghwa asked, even when he was already wiggling out of Yunho's grasp to pull off both shirt and hoodie.

“It's like a preheated oven _hyung_ and I'm cold.”

*

At the end of the day, Seonghwa was Hongjoong's best friend. Even when Seonghwa outright told him to step the fuck down. Hongjoong appreciated it, he really did, even when it made him angry in the moment. The stress overwhelmed him sometimes, and when it did, he tended to say mean things to their younger members that he didn't mean. But at the end of the day, when they both laid in their bed, Hongjoong illuminated by the street lights and Seonghwa trying to avoid as much light as possible, they were best friends.

“I would follow you to the moon,” Seonghwa sometimes said. He didn't sound sarcastic, and his eyes always were earnest. “You wouldn't even have to ask me to. And I would only complain mildly.”

It was how they worked.

Sometimes, Hongjoong was jealous over how easily Seonghwa took care of the kids, how comfortable he seemed even with Mingi pressed into his side and San draped over his back. Hongjoong wasn't this close to them – physically at least.

“It's okay that you're not. They know you love them, even when you're being strict,” Seonghwa said whenever Hongjoong voiced his worries. Seonghwa always seemed to know what Hongjoong needed to hear without lying to him. He had flat out told Hongjoong to better get his shit together and apologize to Jongho before going to sleep. It was a bit strange considering how much he let go when the other members were clowning on him.

Seonghwa was even his best friend when Hongjoong was sick and Seonghwa tended to be kind of overbearing whenever one of the members was out of commission, even more so when said member was Hongjoong. Hongjoong supposed he should be glad that they had schedules to attend to, or otherwise Seonghwa would have mother-henned all over Hongjoong, who sat the day out.

The older did call Hongjoong randomly throughout the day just to say “You better not have opened your laptop, Joong-ah, or not even PD- _nim_ can save your ass from my wrath”. Hongjoong hoped Seonghwa couldn't hear him shut it over San and Wooyoung crowing about angry bird in the background. Seonghwa probably heard either way, but didn't comment on it.

When Hongjoong woke up, it was to a bowl of chicken soup in his lap and Seonghwa at his shoulder.

“Eat, Mini-Hong. I don't know if I can keep PD- _nim_ away from our doorstep if you aren't back on your feet by tomorrow,” Seonghwa said, nestling himself in between where Hongjoong had fallen asleep on the couch and its arm. The other members slowly filtered into the living room too, all of them with their own bowls. Mingi smiled widely at Hongjoong and said “Glad you're feeling better _hyung_ ”.

Yeosang used Mingi's distraction to steal Mingi's favourite spot on the outer edge of the couch.

Before he knew it, Hongjoong was surrounded by his members on all sides, with Seonghwa on one and Wooyoung on the other.

“ _Hyung_ , I thought you weren't allowed to watch TV?” San asked innocently, nodding towards the still running TV.

“I'm allowed to do everything I want,” Hongjoong proclaimed, but when Seonghwa's socked foot prodded his thigh, he added “but Seonghwa threatened me about my laptop, so I got bored.”

Even when Hongjoong hadn't worked all day like he usually did, he was content in that moment. His members, his brothers, were here with him, healthy and happy. Seonghwa's eyes sparkled over the edge of his bowl, and Hongjoong hoped that he was happy too.


End file.
